Ah, humans life’s ultimate desire is to love and to be loved. I don’t know of anyone who wants to be alone or die alone. The yearning to be with someone is a feeling of comfort and to me, there is no grander feeling. Coming home after a long days work and entering the house to a loving spouse fills my heart. I have someone who gives purpose to my life and something more to live for. I have learned that only through the restored gospel of Jesus Christ I will actually be with my other half for time and all eternity.
When I got back from my mission, my greatest desire was to marry a worthy daughter of Go; an RM would be a for-sure bonus. I wanted someone I could relate to and would be willing to hit the ground running. I knew it would be someone that, would dedicate whole life to the gospel with me. No matter the circumstances or sacrifices that there would no shortcuts, or any ifs or buts, but through the thick and thin of things. I knew that an RM would understand that. With that said it would have been a pretty big plus!
My mission President counseled me during my last interview upon returning home that I should diligently continue to labor and support my Stake President. As I met with my Stake President, President Benzion, I asked him what can I do to better serve The Lord and The Miami Lakes Stake. His response was so profound, inspired and wait… WHAT?! “I want you to go to the Y.S.A.” I didn’t really have that in mind, but after much prayer, I obeyed that inspired advice.
I knew things would work out and in pondering during one of the talks given in the YSA sacrament meeting, there stood up a returned Sister Missionary. The slow motion button came on in my mind, light hit her just perfectly and the AC vent must have turned on at that very moment because her hair flowed through the air as more perfect than any other flow of hair. I would have done anything to meet her. I mustered up the courage and we met… Okay, Okay, my brother introduced us, but so what?! We hung out in groups for a few weeks, 6 to be exact (a whole mission transfer) before we went on one date. Did she give me a ‘run’ my money! Our first date was to a spinning class. I had never ridden a bike for 1.5 on full speed with resistance, strobe lights, loud music and what felt like dancing on these stationary bikes. This was torture, but it was better than her turning me down and even standing me up again. We dated for three days and then we got engaged. Crazy, I know, but that’s what I meant about wanted a returned sister missionary to hit the ground running with me.
We hung out in groups for a few weeks, 6 to be exact (a whole mission transfer) before we went on one date. Did she give me a ‘run’ my money! Our first date was to a spinning class. I had never ridden a bike for 1.5 on full speed with resistance, strobe lights, loud music and what felt like dancing on these stationary bikes. This was torture, but it was better than her turning me down and even standing me up again… It only happened once and I have forgiven here since. We dated for three days and then we got engaged. Crazy, I know, but that’s what I meant about wanted a returned sister missionary to hit the ground running with me.
This is becoming rarer these days and just because this was the route my life took. This doesn’t mean that just because two RMs are dating that they should marry so rapidly. You each have personal experiences and circumstances that differ from ours, so pray to know the route your life should take. But, after talking with her I knew it was right. She saw things the same way I did and there was no “well, let’s see how it goes.” A loving, yet bold missionary gets to the questions that require change which start with “Will you…” be baptized, come to church, go to the temple… Or in my case marry me?. Three months later and after telling our families, we got sealed for all time and all Eternity in the Orlando, Florida Temple.
And please don’t miss understand me, women are more valuable than that of rubies, but Elder Cook put it best when he said “LDS women are the best.” ( See LDS Women are Incredible) For me, it was more of being able to see eye to eye with my future spouse. I knew that I would have been best off with some who had gone through some of the same things that I did as a missionary. And as my choice would prove, I was right…
Work or luck?
I could say things like ‘I’ve always been obedient to my leaders’ or ‘I just went for it, but the truth is I got lucky. I know of so many people who have done just as much or if not more to show their faith and obedience in Christ, but still, have difficulty in finding their King or Queen. Hang in there. Trust me, I know it’s hard and beyond frustrating!
Marrying in less than 3 transfers (6 months) after returning home from my mission was a total shocker to me. It was a desire, but I never expected it to happen. I was also twenty-five and I had made many changes in my life which basically made me start from scratch at the age of 22. After experiencing that change of heart at 22, the heavy weight which had burdened my life was lifted, but a different one was placed. ( That’s a story for another day) Just like I hit the ground running with the gospel I made the same decision to hit the ground running on the search for my spouse to be. I wanted all the things this great true church has to offer, so I ran.
Through the journey of dating, marriage, and life I have learned a lot
- Seeking things with Diligence
- To be ready for rejection (Kim rejected me several times because she said, Yes!)
- Be proud of what I stand for, but not prideful.
- Be a loving, yet a bold teacher, husband, friend, etc.
Don’t lower standards and be picky, but not so much that shallowness and selfishness blur reality. Loneliness is much worse than her not liking your favorite TV show, or being of the opposite political party or disliking your favorite sports team. I don’t believe this is what the heavens have in mind for us. It is my plea that you may not stay alone because of vain desires or the foolish imaginations of your heart.
Do you want someone special? Then I hate to break it to ya, but you have to be special yourself. You will put more and more pressure on yourself and the loneliness will stretch if you don’t act now. Don’t trap yourselves into thinking you are looking for the perfect person now, when they don’t exist! Good people make mistakes and some situations have ended by divorce or tragedy. If they are worthy of entering the Lord’s house, are willing to love and serve the Savior, then it will all work out. If you find this, 100% of the time you have found a person who could for you. The freedom to choose for ourselves is the greatest blessing life on this earth has to offer. Father in Heaven has given us the opportunity to be here on earth, and through prayer, the spirit will be of great guidance into making the best decision for you. After all, God does know what’s best for me, and maybe if I hadn’t involved him in my life decisions maybe my outcome would have been different. Point is, how we choose to achieve our goals and with whom is up to us.
The freedom to choose for ourselves is the greatest blessing life on this earth has to offer. Father in Heaven has given us the opportunity to be here on earth, and through prayer, the spirit will be of great guidance into making the best decision for you. After all, God does know what’s best for me, and maybe if I hadn’t involved him in my life decisions maybe my outcome would have been different. Point is, how we choose to achieve our goals and with whom is up to us.
Our Savior Jesus Christ felt the hollow feelings of loneliness when he said, “The Son of man has not where to lay his head.”(See Matthew 8:20). He knows what you are going through and that includes being lonely, so why not reach out to him more on this. Your time will come, I promise.
One of the many things I also did as I searched for my Eternal companion was place everything in the Lord’s hands. I know you have too, and although I said I wanted a returned Sister Missionary, I did not in any way put my personal preference before the Lord. If marriage was going to be for me, the Lord was going to be there from the beginning. However, as President Uchtdorf put it while talking to a group of young single adults, that Heavenly Father did not destine him to his wife, but rather he could have chosen anyone else and still would have possibly had a wonderful and happy marriage, but he was happy that it happened to be his wife whom he had married. See The Reflection in The water
The title of this blog is “Alone and seeking for and Eternal companion”, not alone and wanting an Eternal companion. Loneliness is what you make it. Trust me there is someone out there for you, but you do have to seek for him or her even if they may not be seeking for you. Kim was not thrilled to be looking for an Eternal companion, but she accepted that when the time came. She had also just gotten back from her mission herself and was still in the “post mission weird mode”.
But, if I ask you a question, would you be honest with yourself? When was the last time you prayed for your Eternal companion that you do not yet have and probably, do not yet know?
This is so special and so precious. If I was to tell you that when I was taught to do this, my Kim, my precious jewel of a wife, began to be introduced to the gospel by missionaries… Yes, this happened, in fact, my desires of what I wanted in a wife, where all those I asked for and all those I got. Her desires also fit my description. You see, is not just having the desire of wanting someone or liking someone. It takes work and when I got any tips and ways to increase my chances in getting a spouse, I tried it. I was looking for Eternal commitment, not just a girlfriend and an Earthly fling. I wanted meaning and purpose.
Now, every circumstance is different, but here are a few tips that can help you that helped me after my mission. You too can find your ” Special K”
- Surround yourself with the right people
You may want to have the urge to see old friends and hang out with your buddies and play games, watch all the movies you’ve missed, spend time catching up on the gossip or whatever useless practice you did prior to your mission. Instead, go to institute, hang out with new crowds and invite your friends as well. This is a great way to meet new people, attend other activities and possibly meet your future spouse. You know who these people are and you will tell yourself “I’m in the right place with the right people.”
- Don’t be scared to put yourself out there
Look, if you served a mission, more than likely you have your share of embarrassing moments to last you a life time, so why stop after the mission? Don’t be scared to tell the person you’re eying how you feel, cut the nonsense and just do so. Tell them that you are nervous, tell them how much you mean to them and why. This is for the Eternities, not some high school or college fling here. Remember, involve the Lord from the start, pray before you approach this person, because let me tell you, without His guidance, it will be tough. Plus, marriage is not about you and her, is about the Lord, you and her. I told Kim exactly how I felt about her before we even went on our first official dates, we had been friends for five weeks only… Yes, by our sixth week we dated for the three days.
Oh, and just as side note, just because you are including the Lord does not mean that you are getting or will be getting revelation for the other person that they need to marry you. If you have heard stories about this working is not true, its pure manipulation and somehow it worked out or is pure manipulation and someone got a divorce or someone got the short end of the stick.
- Results of faith don’t come with luck
Continue to do the same things you did in your mission. Adjust to your new schedule, stay clean and worthy etc., but don’t stop. A lot of people have told me that what happened to me does not happen to everyone and that I got lucky. That is far from the truth. Yes, I’m lucky to have the awesome girl have, but she did not just drop out of nowhere. I trusted that Father would warn me if I was being deceived, I trust my actions no matter how silly I looked, I put away my fears of divorce, I put away any uncertainty with myself. Kim is much beautiful than I am. We spoke, we dated, we council and more than anything, I put away all the nonsense of “the perfect girl” or “the right girl.” What’s to say you’re perfect for anyone?
All I cared about was a girl who LOVED the Lord more than she did me, and that understood the same things I did. I wanted a worthy girl. Remember the Temple is the goal, so what’s the point in not getting a worthy girl/ boy? I knew that if my future spouse was keeping and would keep her covenants that all the other minor stuff would work out. Most of the little things I cared about before were completely gone after marriage. Plus, if you are caring that much about what you want in a marriage without consulting with her or become picky about another person’s ways that are not bad to begin with, let me tell you now that you are not good for them. You are not worthy of them. Once you cross that path of ” well I want this and I want that” your road on that path can end up on a long road to lonely Ville. Think about them first and the rest will settle in.
- Keep your eyes on your priorities
If you find yourself with a person for more than six months and you see it going nowhere, let it go. You will know why and how that feels in due time. If you see that there is no temple attendance with them, you guys are not talking about the next and just “living life” then why are you wasting your time and paying for someone else’s spouse dates? I don’t get all these people who date and date and date. How many people do you need to date to know what you like? These are people we are talking about, not jelly bellies. Although we have been instructed to date, none of our great church leaders ever said to date without priorities. President Monson taught us to “plan your life with purpose”. So when you plan a date, don’t date a girl/boy date your future spouse. Similar to how missionaries are asked to see every investigator in white, or as a future church leader and sealed in the temple. See what your next date can become to you. See them in white, serving alongside you and see them being sealed in the Temple with you.
At the end
Loneliness is not a matter of miss fortune, for the majority, it becomes… “And a few years later” I’m still here. Sisters, don’t sit and wait for a guy to ask you out, put your desires in actions and to the test. Brothers, don’t be foolish and wait for a girl to ask you out.
Our savior did so much and yet He was not welcomed. How could he possibly have felt the pains of loneliness? He is always welcome where ever I go. You are a King/ Queen of a Heavenly King. He did not mean for you to be lonely. In fact, his purpose is “to bring to pass the immortality and Eternal life of man.” (See Moses 1:39) We know through scripture that we can only have life Eternal if we are sealed with our spouse. So ask yourself this, will heavenly father not want his purpose to be fulfilled with me? The answer is, he does not. If so, it would make him contradict himself.
He wants happiness and companionship to all. He knows the importance of it, in fact, he gives companionship to all those get baptized under proper Priesthood authority, some call it the gift of the Holy Ghost or Spirit or the companionship of the Holy Ghost, so if he is willing to give you his spirit as a companionship, what makes you think he would want you to be lonely and not have an Eternal companion? At the end of the day, Christ’s loneliness did not last long and neither shall yours.