If you are reading this your are either single, like reading my blog for some weird reason, a Missionary parent who’s child is about to finish His/ Her Mission or the latter where the Missionary has someone waiting for them.
Whatever the case maybe, please notice that the title does not have a question mark at the end of it. I think you should marry as soon as you can when you get back from your mission, But that is not what I’m focusing in this blog either. Rather I want to focus on those who have married soon after their mission and in many ways this blog will hopefully help you in some way if you have not.
After I finished my mission all I wanted to do was to find my eternal companion, take her to the Temple and be sealed for all time and all eternity. I wanted to continue the growth I developed in my mission, I wanted to do all the things promised by our prophets and apostle. I had gain a testimony that everything in the Gospel of Christ and His Church are true, some, nothing else mattered more to me than to put all things gospel first. It is pure, no lies, no gimmicks, no false advertisement, the church is a true church and everything taught in it is true so why not put all your heart, mind, might and strength in it?
Okay, so that’s how I felt then, and that’s how I feel now. Little did I know that the door I was knocking would open faster than I had anticipate. The first Sunday I was back from my mission I met Kimberly M Rivet. She was (and is) so beautiful, a returned missionary and a full power-house in the gospel. We hung around for a weeks with friends and together. We then began to date for THREE WHOLE DAYS before we got engaged. Four months later, Kim and I got sealed on November 9th 2012, in the Orlando Temple and we have been happy ever since.
Now, it seems easy enough right, come back from the mission, have the desire, find a good strong girl that could rock your world and you’ll be good to go. Well, it was that easy but what made it easier was that Kim and I had the same priorities, however we did NOT have all things in common, we hardly knew each other and as far as family goes, must of them found out that we were together 3 weeks after the engagement. I also did not have a good job, I was struggling with the decision whether I should go back to school or continue my career as a Chef. Kim was also in school, and the mammoth task to start a family seemed a bit overwhelming, but remember we had desire, nothing will, to this day, turn that off so we kept pushing on as a happy family.
I would like to share a few things that may help those that may be in a similar scenario or are planning in getting married 6 months after their mission or less or even if you recently have. I hope by this point you and your partner have agreed to love and support one another in the growth of your young family and that you have agreed on some kind of plan to keep your marriage in a triangle with you, your spouse and the savior, to stay committed to the gospel and the Church.
I hope this Helps,
Sit down and talk about your academic goals choose a career that you will love, provide financial means and go with it. To be quite honest, school may not be for all so if you have a great plan to start your own business, then that is great but just educate yourself on whatever you desire to do.
2. Put priorities first
would it be better to buy that big screen tv or save for that future house?
I hope you get the picture. You will have to start somewhere with many sacrafices but the key is to start, continue and endure. Is hard but you will be developing yourself as you go so the burdens lighten up.
3. Organize your finance
Agree whether one income will pay for everything. If you both need to work see if the second income saves/ invest. If you get lucky and money is given to you, save and invested in your future. Kim and I were still getting to know each other, so we kept dating and focus in strengthening our marriage therefore we spent more than we needed too. We told each other we would have a whole life and then an eternity to do that, so might as well start preparing now. We both had little to no credit. We went to the bank and spoke to a banker. We both committed to grow our credit regardless of our desires to spend the money. In less than a year we were able to buy our first car together, rent our first apartment and begin to live life. Oh, PAY YOUR TITHING!
4. You may live with family.
Kim and I had to stay at my parents home for a few months after we got married. Luckily enough they had a big house that was pretty much empty and we were able to have some privacy as a new couple. This may be tough at times but keep your priorities straight. What do you really want to do? Okay now do it. This mentality is easy now, but really, nothing is worst than delaying your future because you may be scared to fail or because you simply weren’t willing to make a simply sacrifice.
5. Don’t go to bed Angry
Kim and I disagreed at times. We always get along, we never fight and we respect each other in ALL aspect of our relationship, but we have disagreed. But it would be about little things, never about finance or any source of desire. Remember that love is not only respecting the choices and desire of the one spouse, that is too one-sided but is also respecting the relationship as a whole, what is best for your relationship as a whole? Would my desire to become the best Astronaut or billionaire or collector of microscopic things bother my spouse? Would watching Rated R movies (or any kind of viewing) disrupt the virtue I show to my darling wife? I hope you get that picture. Just ponder on alway being thoughtful and I promise you will get the same result.
6. Go to the Temple as often as possible
This has made all the difference for both Kim and I. Kim is the only member of the Church in her family and the more she has done her genealogy and done their work at the temple, she has come to the realization that she has had a long line of LDS members including many who were part of Zion’s camp and even ninth cousin President Foust. I can write another blog just on that. Maybe I will. In the temple you remember your covenants and really get to understand the purpose of life. One time attendance will only get you so far.
7. Happy wife happy life
Nothing, that’s it, think about it.
8. Don’t let meaningless things affect Eternal values
this will include things like Politics, worldly topics, amounts of children you want to have, leaving the toilet seat up/ down, flavor of ice cream that should be bought, couch that matches the wall etc.
My institute teach mention a long time ago that his was complaining about a cart he pick up while going inside the supermarket. He complained and complained and all his mom did was simply tell him, ‘just get another cart’. You are going to see a lot of this little things happening where Satan will try to intervene.
9. Try not to move too often
Okay, I know many, specially future doctors will struggle with this one, but unless you are in the military or there is some urge to move to your ideal place, try not to move so much. This will cause you to start all over before you have even started out your marriage. Kim and I move 3 times before we hit our first year and five total times and we have yet to hit our 3rd year. We had our reasons but looking back now, stability at times mean staying put. With that said do what makes you happy and seeks guidance in every move. In all of our moves we have done so, but we have also learned why each place was just not the right one.
10. Don’t forget to date
I know this one may contradict the finance one but you can set up a budget for dating and going out on a date does not mean having to spend a lot on something. It could be as simple as going out for a hike, staying home and watching a movie. Don’t have a Netflix account, borrow one from a friend or family, go running together, go to the park, go to a book signing, those are alway fun, go to temple and if you have a bit more and do other things. But dating is a really great way to keep your relationship as friends and not just spouse.
I would say that if you married someone who did not serve a mission, I would then add an 11th point and that would be, share stories of the mission, share your feelings, share your pictures and talk about people you’ve help. Maybe even visit your mission or have your spouse meet old companions, converts and even members from your mission. I have heard that this does strengthen your relationship and testimony of service and the savior.
In all being married is so much fun, I have zero complaints and I highly advice it to the whole world. It’s definitely different from dating and the commitment is higher. Marriage has never been about me and that’s why I think it work. But also marriage is such a perfect commandment that we imperfect people tend to mess it up with minor detail. Is fun make it fun. Husbands love your wife and wife, love your husbands by including the Savior in all things, after all, it is He and the Father who will give you life Eternal which marriage
should mirror it’s permanence.